Build A Lasting Relationship



Understanding Change In Relationships

Hi I'm Genovieve Relationship Therapeutic Coach, I have so many clients who feel like they are missing something because of change. How have you been with Change? When something changes, how do your react? Our relationships is bound change; nothing stays the same.  Sometimes it changes subtly and the ride is smooth. Other times the change can be enormous or we perceive it to be enormous.  Sometimes the change happens because one or the other person appears to have changed, and sometimes its is because of events or circumstances that we react to. Help is at hand you can contact me Click here...
Whatever it is, we must be prepared and be willing to change.  Change is a part of evolution, it happens whether we want it to or not. Relationships form their own momentum again.  It is only when we compare the before and after that we see it as better or worse when, in fact, it just is. I feel its important to adapt to change and bend and flow with it.  It might mean looking at your relationships differently.  You could talk with our loved one about how you feel about the perceived change and how it affects you.  Remember, you are only one aspect of the relationship.  Your loved one is the other and they might perceive the relationship differently.

Just being willing to change or to see things in a different way is enough to get us relating with more awareness and moving towards rekindling the magic.  One of the issues I see with clients, and indeed from my own marriage is a manipulative will.  This sorf of will can destroy a relationship.  Both my ex husband and I used it.  We both tried to get each other to do things for our own ends.  

As well as embracing change, it is important to remember the overall picture of what we, you and I want in our life.  we must hold it in our minds and, at the same time, honour the past because we would not be who we are today without our yesterdays and how we and our loved one used to be.

To be aware in your relationship, you must be yourself and stay with yourself.  what I mean by this is... Being aware of yourself, feeling confident in yourself, trusting yourself, knowing yourself and coming from your truth, and not trying to blame your loved one but saying how you feel because of what they have said or done or not said or not done.

I believed for many years that I was not a nice person if I thought of myself and wanted things for myself.  I believed it was being selfish and, instead, I should think of others.  I now believe that by taking care of ourselves and asking for our wants and needs to be met, we can be there for our loved ones. we can, in fact be really present in the relationship when we take care of our own needs and wants.  I have heard that "being selfish is truly 'Loving the Self' as long as we do not hurt others in doing so,".

Change can be difficult and when we or the other person changes, it can cause relational issues as the other person's status quo gets rocked and threatened.  it is important to be aware of everything that is happening, not just for yourself but for your loved one, too.  this does not mean you have to compromise yourself and stay with the status quo. You must be open to change, communicate your feelings and come to a loving compromise between you both.  this is a very different compromise, and one where you would be making a decision to find what works for both parties.

It can sometimes be useful to stand in the other person's shoes so as to understand what is going on form them and to see the situation from their perspective.  yes, literally, you can get a pair of their shoes and stand in them!!!  Or just pretend to be in them in their space, just like an actor stepping into a role on stage.  breathe as they do and sense what is going on for them.  our perception can be quite different from our loved one.  perception is one of the six faculties we have and by using it well and not making assumptions it can help us make love work.

If I can help you or your relationship  I offer a Free consultation with Genovieve High Wycombe which may help ease your thinking! 

Is There Love In Your Life?

Where's The LoveWhere's The Love In Your Life?

So many people are complaining about the lack of love in their life. They act as if some stranger decided one day to take away the love out of their lives. They hold on to lovers already gone since eternity, or they dream about a partner coming into their life to give them everything they are not able to give themselves. They balance between hope and desperation. They look for love outside themselves and believe one day a charming prince on a white horse will knock at the door and take them away to live for ever happy in a castle for away from reality.

Other people are trying to survive in a bad relationship that holds their greatness hostage. They live in fear and anger every day but don’t know how to get out of this prison.

Do you know such people? Does this sound like you? Do you feel lonely, are you dreaming of the right one who will show up one day and end all the misery you’re going through now?

The bad news is this will not happen.

The good news is YOU can do a lot yourself to feel loved.

Let me explain.

Life is like a building. There are a lot of floors : the ground floor, the cellar, the first floor, second floor and so on. The higher you go in the building, the more light there is, the easier and lighter things are, the more friendly and energetic people are, the higher are the vibrations and most of all : the more love there is.

Picture this building of life in your mental eye. In the cellar you will find people like rapers, thiefs, harassers, killers, people who beat their children or companion and others who made a life out of hurting others.

On the groundfloor you will find a lot of people. In fact most of humanity lives here. These are the ones who content themselves by vegetating instead of living. They don’t think by themselves, they undergo life. They do nothing. They live like robots. They go to their job every day, come home every day, watch the same television program every day with a beer in one hand and a hotdog in the other hand. They do not dream. They are stuck in their lifestyle and think everything will always be the same.

Then you go up. As I said, the higher you get, the easier, the lighter life is. Life IS easy, life IS light. The cellar, groundfloor and lower floors are creations from the human mind. We created these lifestyles by our heavy thoughts, thoughts about scarcity, fear, death, anger, sadness, revenge and so on. Here are the lives of those who choose to think low energy thoughts. Those who live in fear, hate, jealousy, doubts, low self esteem, troubles. Those have bad relationships, where struggle and anger and negativity set the tone. They are not happy. They maintain the illusion everything is someone else’s fault and they have either to wait for the other to change, so their life will change, or they have to destroy the other one to have a better life (think of the one who kills the husband of the woman he wants to live with, or those who kill other minded people in order to be free to live like they want). This will never give freedom or love.

So what to do if you want to move up in that building of life and live free and in love?

First you have to make a decision. Yes, you have to decide WHERE you want to be. On which floor do you want to live your life now?

Is it the cellar? No, I don’t think so. Is is the groundfloor? I don’t think it either. Let’s say you want to be at the 17th floor. But you feel you are at this moment in your life at the 3rd floor only. You hate your job, you have a lousy relationship with your partner, you’re in bad shape and your energy is low.

So you decided you wanted a life in the vibration of the 17th floor, where there is love, real friendship, positive expectations, inner strength, power, a job you like, health and wealth.

What to do? You decided where you want to be. What you will do now? Should you wait until someone will knock on your door to take you there? No way! Will never happen! Even if you would meet someone with an energy level of 17, he will never carry you from the 3rd to the 17th floor, because he will be exhausted. It needs to be YOUR decision and YOUR action!!

So YOU have to move yourself up. How? Read! Read more! Read how you can create your life by changing your thoughts and your behavior! Go to workshops where you can learn how to unleash you inner power. Use the wonderful information bank which is called Internet and which offers you a bunch of positive information and e-courses (often for free). Surround you with loving people. Learn how to love yourself.

So first you decide where you want to be. Than you do whatever you can to get there, on your own. You may ask help of course, you may find yourself a coach (which is really a good decision!) but don’t look for somebody to carry you. You will fall down immediately the moment he puts you down. If you didn’t get there by yourself, it won’t last, it is not worth anything because you moved yourself up with somebody else’s energy and you are depending on his energy.

Once you get at the floor of your choice, let’s say 17, you will meet automatically people who vibrate at this level of energy. Energy-17 people. Loving, caring, wonderful people. People who feel good about themselves and who don’t need others to steal their energy. They learned how to generate energy by themselves. They are not slaves. They are not dominators. They love and respect others.

Do you want to meet someone like that? Do you want to share your life with somebody who has a 17-energy (or more)? Go there! Go at their level and you will meet them, that’s a guarantee!

Move yourself up.

If you live in a bad relationship right now, and you do whatever you can to get yourself moving higher, you will see what will happen. Your partner, who is still vibrating on energy 3 or 2 or on cellar-level won’t be able to follow you and you will take separate roads.

Don’t make the mistake of trying to pull someone up who wants to stay at his low level. You will never succeed. Especially women should be aware of this : don’t spoil your energy at trying to get others moving up with you. It’s a waste of time. Everybody should decide for himself. Don’t carry others on your back, you will crack down! Decide for yourself, go for it, and see what happens. The higher you get in energy-levels, the better it will be. There you will agree with me : life is wonderful!

To work on Issue's on attachments in past Relationships or Current you can call me Genovieve Feasey Relationship Counsellor and Trauma Specialist. Totally confidential Support to Resolving and Gaining the Love You Deserve!!!Where's the Love In Your Life?

Friendship and Sharing

We are all social animals. Not many of us think about prisons. Why is prison life a punishment? Because you cannot move around and meet people. With friendship, we break the barrier that stops us sharing our life with others. During early childhood, only mother is enough. But observe the pain on the face of a child who has no friends to play with, and you will realize why friends are so important? Why does even a small child need friends? He/she can surely play with parents and enjoy life? Friends are needed because most of them are from the same age group and we relate better with people of our age group. Give it a thought.

Many of us carry a childhood friendship in our adult life. That gives us an opportunity to share memories of the childhood spent together. That's why, when we meet a old childhood friend after a long time, we love to go back to our memories. We go back to those days, when things were much better. One is also known by the friends one keeps. What does this mean? This means that people of similar taste become better friends. That is a big advantage of friendship. To share thoughts about things of common interest.

Many times, some things in our life, some incidents etc. cannot be shared with anyone but friends. A friend will understand our problem and not lecture us about mistakes. A friend will be with us and will always be for us. That is friendship. Good friends share every thing in their life including the intimate details, and one who has such friends is very lucky. To share is very important. To talk, to discuss, to exchange ideas, to smile, to laugh and to cry together, we need friends. If we have good friends, we should always take care of the friendship and make the bond stronger. A friendship lost is a very big loss. We cannot go back to childhood days and make friends again. Value friends, and value the friendship as a treasure.

Connect with friends with love and care. Send them some ecards from time to time to share your care. Build and share your friendship. Treasure it.

Advice For Your Marriage.

HOW INFIDELITY EFFECTS A MARRIAGE

Angered by an Affair?

Q. About a year ago, my husband had an affair with someone we both knew. It happened while I was pregnant. He said it would never happen again, but I’m not so sure. She’s still in and out of our social circles.

I want to try to work things out, but every time I think about it, it makes me sick. The sad thing is that we’ve been married less than three years. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be married. How do we work through our problems and have a happy marriage? Right now, it seems impossible.

Relationship Breakdown Get Advice!

Genovieves Reply:

A. First off, let me say that I’m sorry that this happened to you. It’s hard to overcome the powerful feelings that linger after an affair. But if you think it’s impossible to have a happy relationship now, that’s exactly what it will be. However, if you throw away the attitude of the impossible and embrace the one of determination, having a happy marriage can happen.

You might be right. It is possible (maybe probable) that your husband did not fully understand what your marriage would entail before getting into it, but now you both have a responsibility, and that includes raising your child.

It seems like you’re making some good moves. Seeking help from books and the internet is a great idea. However, I would suggest that if you are not seeking professional counseling or coaching now--do it! Go with someone you trust to get you thought this difficult time. Even if you’re the only one doing it at first, it’s good to get started with a person who can give and objective approach and help you resolve some issues.

Ultimately, you and your husband will need to determine if renewing your commitment can work. Each of you will have to make a choice to consciously work at making your relationship better. Both of you will need to make your marriage a priority—even above taking care of your child(ren).

Despite what many people think, love is not a feeling, it’s a decision. I once heard a saying: "Marriage is like a pet snake, you better feed it every day or bad things will happen." If your husband is willing to change, positive action towards making your marriage better will be evident. That said keep your eyes and heart open.