A Parents Relationship with Children and Exercise.

Was Parenting Easier Forty Years Ago?

 As a mum in the millennium, I dream about the idea of parenting in a world where streets are safe and parents can let their children run freely through the neighborhood, their bodies naturally challenged with the exercise of play.

 Instead today, before the slam of the car door fades and the backpack drops on the floor, the TV is switched on and the last few hours of daylight disappear in a haze of video games and over processed snack foods.

 Even the concerned, well-meaning parent can often stand helpless, wondering how to compete against marketing genius and instant gratification. Exercise and carrot sticks have a hard time competing with Xboxes, SpongeBob and potato chips.

 The proof is all around us. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the health of too many British Children is in danger because of unhealthy lifestyles. (www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/obesity)

 In America the latest data from the National Center for Health Statistics show that 30 percent of U.S. adults 20 years of age and older - over 60 million people - are obese. The CDC reports the percentage of young people who are overweight has more than tripled since 1980. In the UK, ths statics prove currently to be slightly lower, however massively on the increase to Childhood Obsesity.

 My young men/boys aren’t obese - why should I be concerned? I think i've done a reasonable job, in teaching them the meaning of Diet!

 Your kids are normal, right? You are parenting just fine. But in a world where walking is limited, school P.E. programs are being cut, and cars, elevators and buses eliminate our chance to exercise naturally, we need to make a concerted effort to make physical activity part of our day and our children’s days.

 Despite all the benefits of being physically active, most Americans are sedentary. (www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/obesity/contributing_factors.htm). Inactive children are likely to become inactive adults. (www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4596)

 So as parents how can we get our kids moving?

 I Read in an Article from the "The American Heart Association" it states and recommends that children and adolescents participate in at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity every day."

 The great news is exercise comes in many forms and can be a lot of fun! With a little creativity you can easily add some fun physical activity into your parenting style.

1. Lead the way 
You need to set a good example. Kids, especially younger children, naturally follow their parents. So make sure you are looking after your own health and making physical activity a priority in your life.

2. Do it together
In today’s overscheduled world, we need to make sure we are spending quality time with our children. What better way than to be active together. Since kids can’t be alone roaming the neighborhood, parents need to play with them.

3. Make it fun
Put on some music and dance. Play tag. Roller blade. Basically just play. Provide them with toys and equipment that encourage them to be active while having fun.
Bikes, scooters, hockey sticks and football will get your kids moving and active. For preschool children, ride on toys that get them exercising like pedal cars, big wheels and tricycles are always a great parenting decision.

4. Cheer them on
Create positive reinforcements with encouragement and support. Help them find sports and activities that build their self esteem. Attend their sporting events and let them know you are their biggest fan whether they win or lose.

5. Turn it off
Of course, we need to limit the time our kids watch TV and play video games. But make sure you do it in a positive way. If they are angry that you just turned off their favorite show, they might not be too excited about going out cycling with you.
Allow screen time during designated hours, preferably after homework is done and when physical activity is finished, like in the evening or on Saturday morning when tired parents might need to catch a few extra minutes of sleep.
Adding more physical activity into your family’s routine will help you all feel better and get you having more fun together. Most importantly, as you model a healthy lifestyle you will help instill in your children lifelong habits and healthy attitudes toward exercise and physical activity.

For Family Advice or Counselling visit www.thechoicetochange.com Genovieve Feasey FamilyTherapist in Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, and London.A Parents Relationship With Children and ExerciseFamily Therapy for Relationships

Therapy Can Resolve Inner Conflict of Abuse

Family and Childhood Abuse In June 2012, I assisted in a two-day workshop with men who had recently been released from prison for domestic violence. With the men were their wives, as well as the father of a batterer who was still in prison.


The father, Douglas, sat in front of me, sharing his childhood experiences.

"My mum was a very loving woman – a big-hearted, hard working loving woman," he told me. From my many years of counseling, I knew that my definition of love and his definition of love were likely very different.

"Did she ever beat you?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. She beat me all the time. My dad beat my mum and my mum beat me. But she beat me because I was bad. I was really bad. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have been so bad."

"What did she beat you with?"

"Anything she could get her hands on. Extension cords, wooden spoons. Often I had to go and hand over the 'thing' she was going to use to beat me with."

"How did you feel when you knew you were going to get a beating?"

"Oh, I was terrified. I’d beg and plead and promise not to do again whatever it was she was mad at. But that never worked. I always got the beating. Then after the beating she would tell me that she loved me, that it was for my own good, and that it hurt her more than it hurt me."

"And how were you bad?"









 



"Well, sometimes I’d come in late, and sometimes I would talk back. Then I got into alcohol and drugs at a very early age. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have done the alcohol and drugs."

"Why do you think you did the alcohol and drugs?"

"I was just hurtin’ too much. It took me outta all the pain for awhile."

"What was the pain?"

"I don’t know. I was just hurtin’ a lot."

"Do you think it is possible that you were hurting because the woman who was supposed to protect you was instead hurting you? That she was confusing you by telling you she loved you while she was beating and terrifying you? That there was no one to turn to for safety and nurturing? That you were scared much of the time for fear of the beatings? That you were terribly lonely and could not turn to your parents because they were the ones causing the pain?"

Silence………Then he looked at me in shock. As the light bulb when on in his mind, the tears started rolling down his weathered cheeks. Soon he was sobbing.

"That’s right…That’s right….The beatings were the problem. More beatings would not have helped. And I beat my children thinking it was the right thing to do, and now my son is in prison for beating his wife and protective services want to take away their daughter. And I almost hit her the other day when she didn’t mind me. I’m so glad I didn’t. This has to stop! This has to stop!"

I looked around the room. Everyone was in tears. Sarah, the wife of one of the batterers, spoke up, sobbing.

"I’ve always hit my kids, and no matter what anyone told me about it not being good, it never made sense to me. This is the first time I understand why it’s not a good or loving way to discipline my kids. And I can see why I’m having so many problems with my older son and why he is on drugs. He has always been furious with me and I had no idea why. Now I understand. I need to learn a new way to discipline. I’m going to take a parenting class and start reading parenting books."

I hugged James for the profound work he did, and for the effect his work was having on everyone in the room. I thanked God for giving me the privilege of working with these people. All of them, it turned out, had been severely beaten as children.

I am deeply grateful to John and Diana who conducts workshops with Abusers and their families. Both of them were assisting me at this workshop. We all smiled at each other in deep gratitude for the healing that was taking place.

For Specialist Therapeutic Help in Trauma or Crisis Contact Genovieve Feasey http://www.thechoicetochange.com Wycombe, Buckinghamshire.http://www.thechoicetochange.com