Stressed Or Anxious In Your Marriage? Is It A Problem?

Stressed Or Anxious In Your Marriage?   Is It A Problem?


STRESS OR ANXIOUS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Hi Genovieve Therapeutic Relationship Solution Therapist, available in High Wycombe or Kent I've often asked myself the question "What do you do when the stresses of your marriage start to become a problem"? Many couples get mad and argue at one another. This will not do anything except make the problem worse. As a result and my own personal experience although very simple it's a matter of importance and putting these thoughts and actions in place daily to remove the Stress and Anxiety in your relationship. Here are some ways to deal with your stresses in your marriage: 
1.  Talk with your spouse on a daily basis. Communication with one another will prevent any
misunderstandings on certain issues.

2.  When a problem does come up, discuss your feelings and view points to the other person. Don’t
assume that the other person knows how you feel.
Do not take anything for granted in your marriage.
Small misunderstandings can become bigger problems in the future. Keep a look out for any red flags in your marriage and confront them before they become bigger issues.
Work with one another. Being in a marriage is like being on a team. Each member must do his or her own part. One person cannot do everything. Work with your spouse in maintaining your marriage.

3. Try to see things in your spouse’s point of view. This will help you to see where the other person is
coming from which will increase your understanding of the situation. Don’t assume that you are the one who has all the answers.
 
4.  Seek the services of a marriage counsellor if you can’t resolve your problems. There is nothing wrong
with seeking help. Maintaining a marriage is very difficult so it is important to get additional advice from an experienced professional. Many people seek the services of a marriage counsellor nowadays.
 
Marriage requires a lot of work, however the most important thing is to talk with one another on a
regular basis and to confront problems before they become major obstacles in your marriage. This will help reduce a lot of your stresses in your marriage. These Tips come from the horses mouth, I have and still put in place these practices as anyone can; if they truly want to communicate what's important to you to another and you clearly need to give it a meaning be clear, humble, contemplative, and patient for some one you care and love about to understand what it is you are wanting to get across!

Click Here to know more about Genovieve Feasey  from thechoicetochange.com, this is where you'll find my details or a 'FREE' 1/2  Hour Consultation to go over and get advice or guide to where you can be in your Marriage when you resolve your 'Stress' or 'Anxiety'.

Financial Problems In Marriage

Hi Genovieve here, Relationship Solution Therapist from HighWycombe and from Kent.  I was talking to a girlfriend the other day and we both came to the realisation how money and our finances has had an impact on our relationships in the past.

We talked about whether we could afford to first get married, then came issues of by or renting a home,  much later whether we could find the money to have children and only have on partner out to work.  Its goes on... 




Financial Problems In Marriage

We have all at some point in our lives disagreed or disapproved of how others like our mates, boyfriends or husbands choose to manage finances or spend money; our values and beliefs as individuals will be different permitting to our upbringing, morals and personalities. Is money so hard to understand financial problems in a marriage are definitely a true relationship killer and one of the most common marriage problems that unnecessarily result in divorce.
Money matters are quite simple when you ponder about it you can either afford something or you can’t and, if you can’t you have two choices, either stop spending money elsewhere or earn more money.
I’m looking for a new car at the moment which has really got me thinking about the number of people who fund such purchases on finance then struggle to make the repayments. Now I can understand the need for a car and that people aren’t always in the position to buy such an expensive item out right, but what does amaze me is the type of vehicles that people buy on finance.

One of my good friends always buys cars on credit and not any old car, cars such as Range Rovers, Mercedes and Jaguars, and yet struggles to make monthly mortgage repayments let alone fund the financing on the car.  As a family they look at us and envy the fact that we don’t have to worry when an unexpected bill comes in or if we want something we can just go out and buy it without any concern. That’s because we follow the main golden rule for avoiding financial problems in a marriage, we never spend what we haven’t got and we don’t waste money on unnecessary interest repayments.

It’s quite a simple notion really, if we want something that isn’t critical we wait for it, we only buy what we can manage to pay for. If we needed to take out finance for a car we would buy something that would do the job but not a luxury vehicle. Have you ever seen how many extravagant cars are repossessed and go through the auctions What a waste, just look at what is lost in the initial deposit and interest and then the cars lost and sold for peanuts to more the financially shrewd.

Anyway, back to my friends, there marriage is always under strain because financial difficulties are continually at the foresight of their minds. They never know from one month to another how they will fund the next mortgage payment or car repayment. Petty things get driven out of perspective because stress levels run high which all stems from the financial problems in the marriage. They get upset with each other and yet they are both to blame, they both want what they can’t afford and even though they earn far more than most, with every penny they earn their expectations increase, their spending escalates and the financial difficulties continue.
So many couples let themselves into financial problems just because they choose to ignore money issues, expect them to disappear, resolve themselves without any determination but, just like any other marriage problem financial issues need to be addressed, nipped in the bud before they become out of hand.

Fighting isn’t the answer, arguing doesn’t solve anything and it surely doesn’t address the real reason of the problem which is all down to supply and demand. In doesn’t really matter how the original problem happened, why money is now short and why bills can’t be paid and commonly the fault doesn’t tend to lie with one person, the question is how quickly are you both going to face up to the matter, get your head out of the clouds and start doing something about it.

I was speaking to a friend the other night and he was struggling with an issue from a totally different angle from his wife to be, forgetting the whole idea that marriage is all down to team work, working together to resolve anything that life throws at you. When you lose focus, fail to see what really matters in life, start disagreeing and fighting against each other rather than working together to sort such matters out you begin to chip away at the very foundations of what could be a solid relationship.

No matter how your financial problems in your marriage developed, blissful ignorance, credit card happy, making an important financial decision without discussing it or just spending too much every week, you have to now sit down together, focus on the issue at hand, forget what has happened in the past, how you got into the situation in the first place and put all your time and energy into sorting it out.

Don’t blame anyone, don’t go looking for a fight just sit down, detail your spending, detail your earnings and then work out how you close the gap. Support each other through the process, work together towards the same goal which is to learn to live within your means whether that be through working more hours, retraining for a higher paid job, finding opportunities to earn extra cash from home or just accepting you are living outside your means and working out how you can spend less.

Don’t let financial problems cloud your marriage, sort them out before you destroy something very special and live to regret it. Ask for help there are banks, financial advisors, friends and family, mediation and counselling too  to help you resolve disagreements or conflict and live happily.

‘Free’ Consultation for you and a partner simply go to…http://thechoicetochange.com/' Free' Relationship Advice In High Wycombe Or Kent fill in the contact form and request a ‘Free’ Session.

Asian Matchmaking Marriages moves into the 21st Century

Has dating changed in the Asian Community and its approach to marriage?



My Family and Indian Culture are essential to my life!

I am from Buckinghamshire, Marlow and have noticed that the Asian Community Locally; friends and acquatainces and their children are selecting husbands and wives in a different manner to previous traditions. It is clear there has been a shift away from the traditional form of arranged marriage, involving a matchmaker and formal introductions where the couple meet only after they have been chosen for each other.  But there is still a particular approach to marriage in Asian culture worldwide.  Marriage is important to young Asians: even in the UK they and their family usually hope they will be married or at least engaged by the age of 30, even though the rest of the population is marrying later and later – or not at all.




Resolve Conflict seek Maritial Advice

While the new generation of Asians has adapted to the lifestyle of their country, they also maintain Asian cultures and traditions, as shown by the approach to their search for a life partner.  The majority will still want to settle with an Asian Marriage Partner if possible.

Although few marriages in the Asian community are arranged in the traditional meaning of the word, the extended family remains involved in the search for a life partner – even if they have to resist the urge to take over as matchmaker!  The difference now is that young people are given the choice to find love, and meet and get to know each other before making formal family introductions. At this stage the family will consider the suitability of the match before any engagement or wedding is announced.  

We now have a second and third generation of Asians who have a balance of cultural understanding that covers both East and West with equal ease. Many communities, for example Telugu and Kerala, have migrated widely but would still prefer a spouse from a similar background.  They expect more freedom in their marriage choice, while still respecting the wishes of their elders and family traditions.

However, there is a growing contradiction to this tradition.  There are a growing number   unmarried after the age of 30, showing how the change in marriage trends has affected Asians. Most of these people are now in good positions and stable employment looking for partners, yet often it is difficult to meet a suitable partner.

There a clear reasons for this: young Asians are more likely to go to university, graduate at 22, find a job and enjoy it.  Time passes quickly after the first few years of establishing a career and suddenly you are 30 and still single.  Clearly someone who is used to this independence is not about to ask the local Matchmaker to take over the search.  Instead they are taking the initiative to find a suitable match themselves, often using the power of the Internet. 

Through responsible online matrimonial agencies they find confidential and respectable introductions to like-minded prospective partners of an appropriate religious and ethnic background. Online dating and marriage agencies are no longer the last resort – many attractive and articulate couples meet this way, knowing that the fragmented offline social scene would not otherwise bring them together. 
The reputable online marriage and dating agencies offer full confidentiality with the opportunity to select or reject potential partners’ profiles and correspond by email to find out more about each other.  They can then choose whether to meet, and what form that meeting should take. 

An established agency (usually with a paid subscription) will normally ask clients to state their intentions - marriage or dating – so the young person can meet someone who is serious. This online matchmaker trend is fuelling a fundamental change in Asian marriage traditions.

Advice For Your Marriage.

HOW INFIDELITY EFFECTS A MARRIAGE

Angered by an Affair?

Q. About a year ago, my husband had an affair with someone we both knew. It happened while I was pregnant. He said it would never happen again, but I’m not so sure. She’s still in and out of our social circles.

I want to try to work things out, but every time I think about it, it makes me sick. The sad thing is that we’ve been married less than three years. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be married. How do we work through our problems and have a happy marriage? Right now, it seems impossible.

Relationship Breakdown Get Advice!

Genovieves Reply:

A. First off, let me say that I’m sorry that this happened to you. It’s hard to overcome the powerful feelings that linger after an affair. But if you think it’s impossible to have a happy relationship now, that’s exactly what it will be. However, if you throw away the attitude of the impossible and embrace the one of determination, having a happy marriage can happen.

You might be right. It is possible (maybe probable) that your husband did not fully understand what your marriage would entail before getting into it, but now you both have a responsibility, and that includes raising your child.

It seems like you’re making some good moves. Seeking help from books and the internet is a great idea. However, I would suggest that if you are not seeking professional counseling or coaching now--do it! Go with someone you trust to get you thought this difficult time. Even if you’re the only one doing it at first, it’s good to get started with a person who can give and objective approach and help you resolve some issues.

Ultimately, you and your husband will need to determine if renewing your commitment can work. Each of you will have to make a choice to consciously work at making your relationship better. Both of you will need to make your marriage a priority—even above taking care of your child(ren).

Despite what many people think, love is not a feeling, it’s a decision. I once heard a saying: "Marriage is like a pet snake, you better feed it every day or bad things will happen." If your husband is willing to change, positive action towards making your marriage better will be evident. That said keep your eyes and heart open.