Build A Lasting Relationship



Understanding Change In Relationships

Hi I'm Genovieve Relationship Therapeutic Coach, I have so many clients who feel like they are missing something because of change. How have you been with Change? When something changes, how do your react? Our relationships is bound change; nothing stays the same.  Sometimes it changes subtly and the ride is smooth. Other times the change can be enormous or we perceive it to be enormous.  Sometimes the change happens because one or the other person appears to have changed, and sometimes its is because of events or circumstances that we react to. Help is at hand you can contact me Click here...
Whatever it is, we must be prepared and be willing to change.  Change is a part of evolution, it happens whether we want it to or not. Relationships form their own momentum again.  It is only when we compare the before and after that we see it as better or worse when, in fact, it just is. I feel its important to adapt to change and bend and flow with it.  It might mean looking at your relationships differently.  You could talk with our loved one about how you feel about the perceived change and how it affects you.  Remember, you are only one aspect of the relationship.  Your loved one is the other and they might perceive the relationship differently.

Just being willing to change or to see things in a different way is enough to get us relating with more awareness and moving towards rekindling the magic.  One of the issues I see with clients, and indeed from my own marriage is a manipulative will.  This sorf of will can destroy a relationship.  Both my ex husband and I used it.  We both tried to get each other to do things for our own ends.  

As well as embracing change, it is important to remember the overall picture of what we, you and I want in our life.  we must hold it in our minds and, at the same time, honour the past because we would not be who we are today without our yesterdays and how we and our loved one used to be.

To be aware in your relationship, you must be yourself and stay with yourself.  what I mean by this is... Being aware of yourself, feeling confident in yourself, trusting yourself, knowing yourself and coming from your truth, and not trying to blame your loved one but saying how you feel because of what they have said or done or not said or not done.

I believed for many years that I was not a nice person if I thought of myself and wanted things for myself.  I believed it was being selfish and, instead, I should think of others.  I now believe that by taking care of ourselves and asking for our wants and needs to be met, we can be there for our loved ones. we can, in fact be really present in the relationship when we take care of our own needs and wants.  I have heard that "being selfish is truly 'Loving the Self' as long as we do not hurt others in doing so,".

Change can be difficult and when we or the other person changes, it can cause relational issues as the other person's status quo gets rocked and threatened.  it is important to be aware of everything that is happening, not just for yourself but for your loved one, too.  this does not mean you have to compromise yourself and stay with the status quo. You must be open to change, communicate your feelings and come to a loving compromise between you both.  this is a very different compromise, and one where you would be making a decision to find what works for both parties.

It can sometimes be useful to stand in the other person's shoes so as to understand what is going on form them and to see the situation from their perspective.  yes, literally, you can get a pair of their shoes and stand in them!!!  Or just pretend to be in them in their space, just like an actor stepping into a role on stage.  breathe as they do and sense what is going on for them.  our perception can be quite different from our loved one.  perception is one of the six faculties we have and by using it well and not making assumptions it can help us make love work.

If I can help you or your relationship  I offer a Free consultation with Genovieve High Wycombe which may help ease your thinking! 

Attract The Right Man... The Must Have Tips!!!

Where's The LoveWhere's The Love In Your Life?

So many people are complaining about the lack of love in their life. They act as if some stranger decided one day to take away the love out of their lives. They hold on to lovers already gone since eternity, or they dream about a partner coming into their life to give them everything they are not able to give themselves. They balance between hope and desperation. They look for love outside themselves and believe one day a charming prince on a white horse will knock at the door and take them away to live for ever happy in a castle for away from reality.

Other people are trying to survive in a bad relationship that holds their greatness hostage. They live in fear and anger every day but don’t know how to get out of this prison.

Do you know such people? Does this sound like you? Do you feel lonely, are you dreaming of the right one who will show up one day and end all the misery you’re going through now?

The bad news is this will not happen.

The good news is YOU can do a lot yourself to feel loved.

Let me explain.

Life is like a building. There are a lot of floors : the ground floor, the cellar, the first floor, second floor and so on. The higher you go in the building, the more light there is, the easier and lighter things are, the more friendly and energetic people are, the higher are the vibrations and most of all : the more love there is.

Picture this building of life in your mental eye. In the cellar you will find people like rapers, thiefs, harassers, killers, people who beat their children or companion and others who made a life out of hurting others.

On the groundfloor you will find a lot of people. In fact most of humanity lives here. These are the ones who content themselves by vegetating instead of living. They don’t think by themselves, they undergo life. They do nothing. They live like robots. They go to their job every day, come home every day, watch the same television program every day with a beer in one hand and a hotdog in the other hand. They do not dream. They are stuck in their lifestyle and think everything will always be the same.

Then you go up. As I said, the higher you get, the easier, the lighter life is. Life IS easy, life IS light. The cellar, groundfloor and lower floors are creations from the human mind. We created these lifestyles by our heavy thoughts, thoughts about scarcity, fear, death, anger, sadness, revenge and so on. Here are the lives of those who choose to think low energy thoughts. Those who live in fear, hate, jealousy, doubts, low self esteem, troubles. Those have bad relationships, where struggle and anger and negativity set the tone. They are not happy. They maintain the illusion everything is someone else’s fault and they have either to wait for the other to change, so their life will change, or they have to destroy the other one to have a better life (think of the one who kills the husband of the woman he wants to live with, or those who kill other minded people in order to be free to live like they want). This will never give freedom or love.

So what to do if you want to move up in that building of life and live free and in love?

First you have to make a decision. Yes, you have to decide WHERE you want to be. On which floor do you want to live your life now?

Is it the cellar? No, I don’t think so. Is is the groundfloor? I don’t think it either. Let’s say you want to be at the 17th floor. But you feel you are at this moment in your life at the 3rd floor only. You hate your job, you have a lousy relationship with your partner, you’re in bad shape and your energy is low.

So you decided you wanted a life in the vibration of the 17th floor, where there is love, real friendship, positive expectations, inner strength, power, a job you like, health and wealth.

What to do? You decided where you want to be. What you will do now? Should you wait until someone will knock on your door to take you there? No way! Will never happen! Even if you would meet someone with an energy level of 17, he will never carry you from the 3rd to the 17th floor, because he will be exhausted. It needs to be YOUR decision and YOUR action!!

So YOU have to move yourself up. How? Read! Read more! Read how you can create your life by changing your thoughts and your behavior! Go to workshops where you can learn how to unleash you inner power. Use the wonderful information bank which is called Internet and which offers you a bunch of positive information and e-courses (often for free). Surround you with loving people. Learn how to love yourself.

So first you decide where you want to be. Than you do whatever you can to get there, on your own. You may ask help of course, you may find yourself a coach (which is really a good decision!) but don’t look for somebody to carry you. You will fall down immediately the moment he puts you down. If you didn’t get there by yourself, it won’t last, it is not worth anything because you moved yourself up with somebody else’s energy and you are depending on his energy.

Once you get at the floor of your choice, let’s say 17, you will meet automatically people who vibrate at this level of energy. Energy-17 people. Loving, caring, wonderful people. People who feel good about themselves and who don’t need others to steal their energy. They learned how to generate energy by themselves. They are not slaves. They are not dominators. They love and respect others.

Do you want to meet someone like that? Do you want to share your life with somebody who has a 17-energy (or more)? Go there! Go at their level and you will meet them, that’s a guarantee!

Move yourself up.

If you live in a bad relationship right now, and you do whatever you can to get yourself moving higher, you will see what will happen. Your partner, who is still vibrating on energy 3 or 2 or on cellar-level won’t be able to follow you and you will take separate roads.

Don’t make the mistake of trying to pull someone up who wants to stay at his low level. You will never succeed. Especially women should be aware of this : don’t spoil your energy at trying to get others moving up with you. It’s a waste of time. Everybody should decide for himself. Don’t carry others on your back, you will crack down! Decide for yourself, go for it, and see what happens. The higher you get in energy-levels, the better it will be. There you will agree with me : life is wonderful!

To work on Issue's on attachments in past Relationships or Current you can call me Genovieve Feasey Relationship Counsellor and Trauma Specialist. Totally confidential Support to Resolving and Gaining the Love You Deserve!!!Where's the Love In Your Life?

A Parents Relationship with Children and Exercise.

Was Parenting Easier Forty Years Ago?

 As a mum in the millennium, I dream about the idea of parenting in a world where streets are safe and parents can let their children run freely through the neighborhood, their bodies naturally challenged with the exercise of play.

 Instead today, before the slam of the car door fades and the backpack drops on the floor, the TV is switched on and the last few hours of daylight disappear in a haze of video games and over processed snack foods.

 Even the concerned, well-meaning parent can often stand helpless, wondering how to compete against marketing genius and instant gratification. Exercise and carrot sticks have a hard time competing with Xboxes, SpongeBob and potato chips.

 The proof is all around us. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the health of too many British Children is in danger because of unhealthy lifestyles. (www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/obesity)

 In America the latest data from the National Center for Health Statistics show that 30 percent of U.S. adults 20 years of age and older - over 60 million people - are obese. The CDC reports the percentage of young people who are overweight has more than tripled since 1980. In the UK, ths statics prove currently to be slightly lower, however massively on the increase to Childhood Obsesity.

 My young men/boys aren’t obese - why should I be concerned? I think i've done a reasonable job, in teaching them the meaning of Diet!

 Your kids are normal, right? You are parenting just fine. But in a world where walking is limited, school P.E. programs are being cut, and cars, elevators and buses eliminate our chance to exercise naturally, we need to make a concerted effort to make physical activity part of our day and our children’s days.

 Despite all the benefits of being physically active, most Americans are sedentary. (www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/obesity/contributing_factors.htm). Inactive children are likely to become inactive adults. (www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4596)

 So as parents how can we get our kids moving?

 I Read in an Article from the "The American Heart Association" it states and recommends that children and adolescents participate in at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity every day."

 The great news is exercise comes in many forms and can be a lot of fun! With a little creativity you can easily add some fun physical activity into your parenting style.

1. Lead the way 
You need to set a good example. Kids, especially younger children, naturally follow their parents. So make sure you are looking after your own health and making physical activity a priority in your life.

2. Do it together
In today’s overscheduled world, we need to make sure we are spending quality time with our children. What better way than to be active together. Since kids can’t be alone roaming the neighborhood, parents need to play with them.

3. Make it fun
Put on some music and dance. Play tag. Roller blade. Basically just play. Provide them with toys and equipment that encourage them to be active while having fun.
Bikes, scooters, hockey sticks and football will get your kids moving and active. For preschool children, ride on toys that get them exercising like pedal cars, big wheels and tricycles are always a great parenting decision.

4. Cheer them on
Create positive reinforcements with encouragement and support. Help them find sports and activities that build their self esteem. Attend their sporting events and let them know you are their biggest fan whether they win or lose.

5. Turn it off
Of course, we need to limit the time our kids watch TV and play video games. But make sure you do it in a positive way. If they are angry that you just turned off their favorite show, they might not be too excited about going out cycling with you.
Allow screen time during designated hours, preferably after homework is done and when physical activity is finished, like in the evening or on Saturday morning when tired parents might need to catch a few extra minutes of sleep.
Adding more physical activity into your family’s routine will help you all feel better and get you having more fun together. Most importantly, as you model a healthy lifestyle you will help instill in your children lifelong habits and healthy attitudes toward exercise and physical activity.

For Family Advice or Counselling visit www.thechoicetochange.com Genovieve Feasey FamilyTherapist in Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, and London.A Parents Relationship With Children and ExerciseFamily Therapy for Relationships