Relationship Therapy Blog

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

10 Tips Of How To Make A Loving Connection.

10 Tips For Making Loving Connections Fast!
You know sometimes in the hustle of everyday life, it's easy to forget to tell our loved ones just what they mean to us.  But don't be put off as it doesn't have to take a lot of planning.  Love is in the little details that make up our lives. You’ll find me I’m Genovieve Relationship Solution Therapist in Wycombe, and even though  I Coach others, I  still choose to follow my own tips or what others say that works. None of us are faultless and we all are a working progress to getting our needs met by the right person’s. So...

Tips For Couples To Improve Connection.
Do you ever feel like you catch up with your partner infrequently, often late at night when you’re too tired to speak?  Or when your timetables happen to collide?  There are work dinners, school outings, sporting practice, dinners with friends, homework to supervise, household chores and so the list goes on.  Do you feel like you need to make a date night just to spend some one on one time with your other half?  Time when you’re not sleeping? 
If this sounds like you then I’m sure you will enjoy these tips for keeping each other close at heart, even if you can’t always be as physically close as you’d like. 
It’s all about communicating and sharing the little things that make up our lives.  Here are ten easy ways to make your feelings known:
1.       Birthday love letter.  There is something powerful about a letter.  A few years ago my partner and I agreed to write a love letter for each other’s birthday.  I think I picked it up from a magazine article about Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise.  Apparently it’s something they used to do in lieu of expensive presents.  Obviously it didn’t work for their marriage but we’ve found it has become the part of our birthday celebrations that we enjoy the most.  Writing down all the things that you love about the other person and then giving it to them is a very personal and thoughtful thing to do.  In many cases its better than any gift you could possibly imagine and something to appreciate and cherish even when the birthday is a distant memory.  You can do it for your children too if you have any and they will never need to doubt that you love them.   Of course, you don’t have to wait until it is your loved ones birthday to send them a letter – anytime is a good time to tell them how you feel about them.
2.       Sit down and talk about your day.  When we can we sit down at the table to eat our evening meal and take it in turns to talk about what we did in our day.  Even our two and a half year old joins in.  For a long time he would talk about who he saw rather than what he did but now he’s getting the hang of it.  The other thing we take it in turns to do is name the best and worst things that happened that day.  Sometimes so much happens each day that it helps to pause and reflect on what were the highlights and lowlights.
3.       Celebrate all your partner’s successes with them – from a high five to a glass of champagne.  Whatever the scale of the success calls for, make it a joint celebration.
4.       Allow yourself to be impressed by your partner and let them know.  ‘I’m proud of you’ is something that I think everyone loves being told by someone they care about.

5.       Never underestimate the power of a hug – train your kids to hug you back.  My five year old son Jack loves hugs.  He loves giving them and getting them.  Sometimes he will spontaneously hug someone if he feels they are a bit sad, although usually he asks first if they would like ‘a Jack hug’
6.       Send them a photo that means a lot to you and tell them why its important – you could use a Show & Tell Card.  It’s a new type of greeting card that lets you stick your photo on the front and is blank inside so you can write what you like.   Go to for more information
7.       Share an experience.  It could be a movie, a new CD, magazine article, or a short story.  Talk about what you read or saw and why you liked or disliked it.   And do it regularly.
8.       Compliments.  Everyone loves getting them so never pass up the opportunity to give one of these reliable mood boosters.  You can give them in person or write them on a small piece of paper and leave them somewhere unexpected for your loved one to find.
9.       Dance.  It doesn’t take long to find a great song you both enjoy, put it on and dance around the living room floor – probably 5 minutes maximum but it is a wonderful way to physically reconnect with each other in between dinner and desert or at the end of a long evening or you could make it an unusual way to start your day.   

10.   Thoughtful gestures.  Doing something unexpected, especially when you’re loved one is busy and stressed, is a lovely way to show that you understand what they are going through and that they have your support. 
Showing your partner how much you love them need not take a lot of time and you will be rewarded many times over for your effort.  Get loving today!
Genovieve Feasey Relationship Solution Therapist
Relationship Coaching in Wycombe, Buckinghamshire

Monday, 3 June 2013

Build A Lasting Relationship

Understanding Change In Relationships
Hi I'm Genovieve Relationship Therapeutic Coach, I have so many clients who feel like they are missing something because of change. How have you been with Change? When something changes, how do your react? Our relationships is bound change; nothing stays the same.  Sometimes it changes subtly and the ride is smooth. Other times the change can be enormous or we perceive it to be enormous.  Sometimes the change happens because one or the other person appears to have changed, and sometimes its is because of events or circumstances that we react to. Help is at hand you can contact me Click here...
Whatever it is, we must be prepared and be willing to change.  Change is a part of evolution, it happens whether we want it to or not. Relationships form their own momentum again.  It is only when we compare the before and after that we see it as better or worse when, in fact, it just is. I feel its important to adapt to change and bend and flow with it.  It might mean looking at your relationships differently.  You could talk with our loved one about how you feel about the perceived change and how it affects you.  Remember, you are only one aspect of the relationship.  Your loved one is the other and they might perceive the relationship differently.

Just being willing to change or to see things in a different way is enough to get us relating with more awareness and moving towards rekindling the magic.  One of the issues I see with clients, and indeed from my own marriage is a manipulative will.  This sorf of will can destroy a relationship.  Both my ex husband and I used it.  We both tried to get each other to do things for our own ends.  

As well as embracing change, it is important to remember the overall picture of what we, you and I want in our life.  we must hold it in our minds and, at the same time, honour the past because we would not be who we are today without our yesterdays and how we and our loved one used to be.

To be aware in your relationship, you must be yourself and stay with yourself.  what I mean by this is... Being aware of yourself, feeling confident in yourself, trusting yourself, knowing yourself and coming from your truth, and not trying to blame your loved one but saying how you feel because of what they have said or done or not said or not done.

I believed for many years that I was not a nice person if I thought of myself and wanted things for myself.  I believed it was being selfish and, instead, I should think of others.  I now believe that by taking care of ourselves and asking for our wants and needs to be met, we can be there for our loved ones. we can, in fact be really present in the relationship when we take care of our own needs and wants.  I have heard that "being selfish is truly 'Loving the Self' as long as we do not hurt others in doing so,".

Change can be difficult and when we or the other person changes, it can cause relational issues as the other person's status quo gets rocked and threatened.  it is important to be aware of everything that is happening, not just for yourself but for your loved one, too.  this does not mean you have to compromise yourself and stay with the status quo. You must be open to change, communicate your feelings and come to a loving compromise between you both.  this is a very different compromise, and one where you would be making a decision to find what works for both parties.

It can sometimes be useful to stand in the other person's shoes so as to understand what is going on form them and to see the situation from their perspective.  yes, literally, you can get a pair of their shoes and stand in them!!!  Or just pretend to be in them in their space, just like an actor stepping into a role on stage.  breathe as they do and sense what is going on for them.  our perception can be quite different from our loved one.  perception is one of the six faculties we have and by using it well and not making assumptions it can help us make love work.

If I can help you or your relationship  I offer a Free consultation with Genovieve High Wycombe which may help ease your thinking!