Will Your Relationship Survive The Menopause?

Do you Wonder will your relationship survive the 'Menopause'?  Couples going through menopause often have unique struggles when coping with the new changes and challenges it brings to them both as individuals, and as partners. It is an inner battle – mentally and physically – for not just women, but men as well.



Will Your Relationship Survive The Menopause?

For women, it may be hard to get a male partner to understand and be able to empathise with her challenges. But both sexes go through a form of menopause, and this transition is disruptive and even scary, and a certain level of understanding and communication is required for any one to have a quality relationship at this stage of life.

For some women, what can show up is pent up aggression, that is taken out on a male partner by pushing him away and/or making him unable to relate to you on a physical level. At this stage you may wonder will your relationship survive the menopause?  Men need to know that the loss of desire for sex may be caused from the hormonal changes, but there might also be an emotional element that needs to be dealt with.  It is advisable that men in menopause couples acquaint themselves with the effects of menopause, in themselves and their partners, in order to better understand the changes their relationship is going through.

Relationship Counsellor

Men soon realize that hormonal imbalances are causing unwanted emotional symptoms in women that could lead to verbal spats every now and then. Men need to be aware that emotional changes are likely to occur and that they are not to blame for them but that their partner may require extra attention, love and outward expressions of caring more now than ever before.

A partner needs to understand that their sexual drives could also have changed as they experience a slower loss of testosterone. To keep sexual interest, partners may need to put more time and attention into the quality of their sex lives and ‘update’ themselves on what things turn them on at this stag of the game.

Men need to know that a decrease in estrogen in their lover’s bodies – can significantly alter how she thinks and feels about sex. In addition, vaginal discomfort and thinning of the lining of the vagina can make sex painful so it will not be enjoyable for either of them until they find a solution for this.
More than ever this is a critical time for couples to communicate more about the changes they are both experiencing.  A man  can often lose a lot of the aggression that once fuelled their younger years and they are happier to stay home and engage in more nurturing activities, that they never paid attention to before, such as cooking.  Whereas for a women, on the other hand, we may want to venture out into the world and pursue a long-thought about career. They become more aggressive and passionate about accomplishing things.

In this way, the couple almost switch roles in the relationship. Talking a lot, expressing ideas, and bonding with one another again becomes critical during this transition. Maybe a man needs to know what is happening to their women on a day-to-day basis, and visa versa. A women may need to have their man  cheer them on as they undergo significant changes including dealing with physical discomfort, hormonal imbalances, and possibly venturing out into the career world for the first time!

A man could benefit by understanding that sex isn’t going away totally and they can survive the menopause.  Explore sexual alternatives and realize that having less sex is not the end of the world! Experiment with vibrators, and oral sex, if you haven’t already as these are fine alternatives and to maintain a healthy sex life. Women love toys as much as guys do. Menopause might mean taking more time for foreplay for some women. Get into a habit of communicating your needs to each other and learn to enjoy the changes instead of fighting against them.

The most important thing is that Male Partners provide a social network for their menopausal women to rely on. Realize that menopause is only a phase, albeit the end of the old and the beginning of a new one, and it’s possible to adjust to the changes by remaining aware. By staying informed of each other’s thoughts and feelings and becoming tolerant and understanding to the emotional pains women can go through, menopause couples can overcome most difficulties. And, who knows, you might like the new person you wake up to better! Think of it as another adventure. You will survive the menopause.

If all else fails please get in touch with me I offer assistance in this specialised area of Relationship Communication. Contact Genovieve Feasey Counsellor in High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire. Or Rochester, Kent.

Hypnotherapy And Psychotherapy To Raise Your Confidence

How many of us are not confident about how we handle life’s situations? Truth is you may be confident in some area of your life but not others. Use Hypnotherapy And Psychotherapy To Raise Your Confidence



Find the Confidence Using Therapies

I grew up reasonably confident as a young child, later into young adulthood finding myself becoming shy about my looks, body. Became less comfortable about where and whom I would be with. In my young stages of motherhood I had the confidence and persistence to getting out and mixing with others for the sake of my children, later middle aged regressing again and becoming particular with whom I was socialising with. I noticed people around me would trigger less or more confidence.
 Hear What Anthony Robbins say's about overcoming 'Lack of Confidence'.

Recent years I've grown out of 'Dis Comfort zone'. I always stayed in the background and tried to make myself less noticeable. It was especially painful in-group activities that involved boys  later men. This was a major step for a young girl later woman to recognise my lack of self confidence and self esteem.
I have taken the steps to do some major therapeutic work on self, I used Hypnotherapy And Psychotherapy To Raise My Confidence which has helped me to clearly recognise the discomfort with how I and others relate to me. My journey over 10 years has had me discover what I love or dislike in my life, fulfil ambitions, take challenges and calculated risks to feel peaceful and enthusiastic about life.

I wonder if this ring a bell for you? How do you  confront what you don’t want to in your life? How do you achieve what you Desire? Oddly enough it was my Son's who really inspired me and  their friends. At 12 years old they signed up for courses and activities. It was something they really wanted to do. They taught me how pursue your dreams and enjoy life in the moment, they taught me how to be comfortable in my own skin in front of a lot their friends and not to be shy they were very accepting and judgmental.

When you have confidence and poise you will stand out and even if you don’t feel completely comfortable having an awareness of this, helps to overcome it. Often you see people in sports with the same confidence. If you make yourself look confident (act as if) soon you will realize that you are. Motivational posters in your home or work place are a great way to remind yourself what you are wanting to accomplish. There is a great motivational video's which offer Hope, Inspiration, Belief in where the next steps can lead us with being Courageous and Persistent “Have the courage to stand out”. Have confidence and poise and you will stand out!
Enjoy the adventure!

Thoughts and Feelings from Genovieve Feasey Relationship, Trauma Psychotherapist, Coach. High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire.  Rochester, Kent. Member of BACP and Member of GHR find me in the  (Click here)... U.K Counselling Directory

10 Tips To Get The Best From Online Dating.

How to Get the Best Results from Online Dating.

Would you let a person you have just  met online to
change your life? Are you willing to do this?  Do
you trust someone you have met this way? In this article I am (Relationship Coach In High Wycombe) offering 10 Tips to get the best from online dating, have a read and improve your chance to change your romance.

SOME people simply do not have the courage to let
an online dating/relationship to develop and change in a
normal healthy relationship. Are you one of them?
Let me re-ensure you that online dating/relationships
really are working, and yes it can change your
entire life, in a good way.

10 Tips To Get The Best From Online Dating

But there are some impediments or mistakes which
are leading to the end of the relationship
between two people that could have had a good
future together these 10 tips to get the best from online dating can be effective read on:
1. First of all if you do not take people you are
taking to too seriously, you will be treated the
same way.

2. Being too secret and reserved. If you do not
tell things about you and you are not working to
develop a relationship, nobody will make this for
you.

3. Trust or lack of trust is the biggest
impediment of an eRelathionship. You have to try
to get the people you are taking to trust in you,
and then find out if that person is a trustworthy
one. There are so many ways to check out this.

4. Being shy. If you are interested in someone
and you want to meet her/him offline, let her/him
know this.  What do you have to lose?

5. Fear of disappointment or fear of becoming a
victim of someone with bad intentions can make
you paranoid. It is good to be preventive but not
exaggerate about this. It is not funny and will
pull people away.

6. Unbelieving. If you do not believe that an
eRelathionship can become something more then it
is, you will not pay too much attention and...
You get exactly what you give and some more, don’
t you?

7. Do not make that relationship a priority in
your life. Any human needs to feel that is
important for someone, that is the center of
someone life, even if you have meet that human
online. Don’t you feel the same? Wouldn't you pay
more attention to someone if you would know that
you are a priority in his/her life?

8. Not making the next step. Talking online can
be fun but it is not enough to get to know a
person better and after a while it can become
boring. Talking on the phone can help you two to
develop the relationship and do not forget that
you can feel chemistry only when you two are
meeting face to face, touching each other,
feeling the smell of her/his perfume.

9. Beeing insincere, pretending that you are
something that you are not will lead you
eventually to the end of any relationship. So be
honest from the very beginning, maybe you have
just meat the mach of your life, don't take the
risk to lose her because of a stupid mistake.

10. Thinking that online dating sites are some
kind of shops where you can find a lover like you
find a pear of shoes, and if you are braking the
shoes you can go back to that shop and buy
another pair just like the first. It is not true,
every human, every soul is unique. If you lose
her/him it is for good.

So I am sure that you
will have problems like all couples have but it
is worthy to make the effort to solve these
problems together apply at least some of the 10 tips from the on line dating. 

Be happy that the technology gives you the chance
to meet your match online, but do not waste this
chance, it could never come back to you.
If you would prefer to discuss how you can have support and guidance
during these times of new challenges, you can call me Genovieve Feasey Relationship Solution Therapist/Coach. I offer a free consultation to help you get the best out of your online dating/ relationships!

Stressed Or Anxious In Your Marriage? Is It A Problem?

Stressed Or Anxious In Your Marriage?   Is It A Problem?


STRESS OR ANXIOUS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Hi Genovieve Therapeutic Relationship Solution Therapist, available in High Wycombe or Kent I've often asked myself the question "What do you do when the stresses of your marriage start to become a problem"? Many couples get mad and argue at one another. This will not do anything except make the problem worse. As a result and my own personal experience although very simple it's a matter of importance and putting these thoughts and actions in place daily to remove the Stress and Anxiety in your relationship. Here are some ways to deal with your stresses in your marriage: 
1.  Talk with your spouse on a daily basis. Communication with one another will prevent any
misunderstandings on certain issues.

2.  When a problem does come up, discuss your feelings and view points to the other person. Don’t
assume that the other person knows how you feel.
Do not take anything for granted in your marriage.
Small misunderstandings can become bigger problems in the future. Keep a look out for any red flags in your marriage and confront them before they become bigger issues.
Work with one another. Being in a marriage is like being on a team. Each member must do his or her own part. One person cannot do everything. Work with your spouse in maintaining your marriage.

3. Try to see things in your spouse’s point of view. This will help you to see where the other person is
coming from which will increase your understanding of the situation. Don’t assume that you are the one who has all the answers.
 
4.  Seek the services of a marriage counsellor if you can’t resolve your problems. There is nothing wrong
with seeking help. Maintaining a marriage is very difficult so it is important to get additional advice from an experienced professional. Many people seek the services of a marriage counsellor nowadays.
 
Marriage requires a lot of work, however the most important thing is to talk with one another on a
regular basis and to confront problems before they become major obstacles in your marriage. This will help reduce a lot of your stresses in your marriage. These Tips come from the horses mouth, I have and still put in place these practices as anyone can; if they truly want to communicate what's important to you to another and you clearly need to give it a meaning be clear, humble, contemplative, and patient for some one you care and love about to understand what it is you are wanting to get across!

Click Here to know more about Genovieve Feasey  from thechoicetochange.com, this is where you'll find my details or a 'FREE' 1/2  Hour Consultation to go over and get advice or guide to where you can be in your Marriage when you resolve your 'Stress' or 'Anxiety'.

Why do women love romance?

Why women love romance? 

It doesn't matter what shape or form it takes, whether it’s in the form of poems, moony songs, philosophical treatises, romantic notes, or angry letters, no aspect of any woman's biology can deny that it fills her 'Love Bucket' up! Women just love romance.  It has since ancient times been a driving force of life, well at least for women.   For men it has been just as long in remaining an utterly mysterious, experience that could be pondered over and still not truly understood.

But in the last decade scientists have discovered this question of why women love romance, is linked to the neurological nature of love by scanning the brains of those in the throes of it. These scans have confirmed what anyone who has fallen head over heels has experienced first-hand: love is a wild and woolly ride.

 As it turns out, your brain reacts to love the same way it reacts to cocaine. So you weren’t nuts to feel addicted to your beloved not the physical pain of withdrawal when she left you. Love lights up the reward centres of your brain and soaks them in dopamine, as well as serotonin and oxytocin. These neural fireworks set off feelings of euphoria, pleasure, craving, recklessness, and obsession.  So when you’re smitten, you’re literally flying high. But the high can’t last, and it isn’t designed to. Or so it was thought.

Researchers theorized that intense romantic love was only a temporary stage designed to make mate selection more efficient, and that once this powerful force brought two people together, it inevitably mellowed into attachment or “companionate love,” a stage that develops as time passes and the couple’s lives become intertwined. As opposed to the intensity of romantic love, companionate love is marked by a happy togetherness and a comfortable stability that is designed to keep the couple together to raise their children.

And indeed, that progression from romantic to companionate love can be observed in the majority of the population.

When researchers looked at the brains of those who had been together for years, the scans confirmed their theory; the regions that used to light up with romantic love had dimmed and been replaced by activity in the centres for long-term attachment and pair-bonding. Passionate, romantic love, researchers concluded, had an average shelf-life of about 12-18 months–up to four years at the absolute most.

But what about the elderly couple holding hands that your girlfriend points at and says, “Aww, I want to be like them?” The couples who claim to still be head over heels for each other even after a few decades together? Are they lying? Fooling themselves?  You’ll just have to work that one out for yourselves and find out why women love romance; experience the results and reply get in touch with me Genovieve Feasey Relationship Coach, High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire and Kent

Financial Problems In Marriage

Hi Genovieve here, Relationship Solution Therapist from HighWycombe and from Kent.  I was talking to a girlfriend the other day and we both came to the realisation how money and our finances has had an impact on our relationships in the past.

We talked about whether we could afford to first get married, then came issues of by or renting a home,  much later whether we could find the money to have children and only have on partner out to work.  Its goes on... 




Financial Problems In Marriage

We have all at some point in our lives disagreed or disapproved of how others like our mates, boyfriends or husbands choose to manage finances or spend money; our values and beliefs as individuals will be different permitting to our upbringing, morals and personalities. Is money so hard to understand financial problems in a marriage are definitely a true relationship killer and one of the most common marriage problems that unnecessarily result in divorce.
Money matters are quite simple when you ponder about it you can either afford something or you can’t and, if you can’t you have two choices, either stop spending money elsewhere or earn more money.
I’m looking for a new car at the moment which has really got me thinking about the number of people who fund such purchases on finance then struggle to make the repayments. Now I can understand the need for a car and that people aren’t always in the position to buy such an expensive item out right, but what does amaze me is the type of vehicles that people buy on finance.

One of my good friends always buys cars on credit and not any old car, cars such as Range Rovers, Mercedes and Jaguars, and yet struggles to make monthly mortgage repayments let alone fund the financing on the car.  As a family they look at us and envy the fact that we don’t have to worry when an unexpected bill comes in or if we want something we can just go out and buy it without any concern. That’s because we follow the main golden rule for avoiding financial problems in a marriage, we never spend what we haven’t got and we don’t waste money on unnecessary interest repayments.

It’s quite a simple notion really, if we want something that isn’t critical we wait for it, we only buy what we can manage to pay for. If we needed to take out finance for a car we would buy something that would do the job but not a luxury vehicle. Have you ever seen how many extravagant cars are repossessed and go through the auctions What a waste, just look at what is lost in the initial deposit and interest and then the cars lost and sold for peanuts to more the financially shrewd.

Anyway, back to my friends, there marriage is always under strain because financial difficulties are continually at the foresight of their minds. They never know from one month to another how they will fund the next mortgage payment or car repayment. Petty things get driven out of perspective because stress levels run high which all stems from the financial problems in the marriage. They get upset with each other and yet they are both to blame, they both want what they can’t afford and even though they earn far more than most, with every penny they earn their expectations increase, their spending escalates and the financial difficulties continue.
So many couples let themselves into financial problems just because they choose to ignore money issues, expect them to disappear, resolve themselves without any determination but, just like any other marriage problem financial issues need to be addressed, nipped in the bud before they become out of hand.

Fighting isn’t the answer, arguing doesn’t solve anything and it surely doesn’t address the real reason of the problem which is all down to supply and demand. In doesn’t really matter how the original problem happened, why money is now short and why bills can’t be paid and commonly the fault doesn’t tend to lie with one person, the question is how quickly are you both going to face up to the matter, get your head out of the clouds and start doing something about it.

I was speaking to a friend the other night and he was struggling with an issue from a totally different angle from his wife to be, forgetting the whole idea that marriage is all down to team work, working together to resolve anything that life throws at you. When you lose focus, fail to see what really matters in life, start disagreeing and fighting against each other rather than working together to sort such matters out you begin to chip away at the very foundations of what could be a solid relationship.

No matter how your financial problems in your marriage developed, blissful ignorance, credit card happy, making an important financial decision without discussing it or just spending too much every week, you have to now sit down together, focus on the issue at hand, forget what has happened in the past, how you got into the situation in the first place and put all your time and energy into sorting it out.

Don’t blame anyone, don’t go looking for a fight just sit down, detail your spending, detail your earnings and then work out how you close the gap. Support each other through the process, work together towards the same goal which is to learn to live within your means whether that be through working more hours, retraining for a higher paid job, finding opportunities to earn extra cash from home or just accepting you are living outside your means and working out how you can spend less.

Don’t let financial problems cloud your marriage, sort them out before you destroy something very special and live to regret it. Ask for help there are banks, financial advisors, friends and family, mediation and counselling too  to help you resolve disagreements or conflict and live happily.

‘Free’ Consultation for you and a partner simply go to…http://thechoicetochange.com/' Free' Relationship Advice In High Wycombe Or Kent fill in the contact form and request a ‘Free’ Session.