Therapy Can Resolve Inner Conflict of Abuse

Family and Childhood Abuse In June 2012, I assisted in a two-day workshop with men who had recently been released from prison for domestic violence. With the men were their wives, as well as the father of a batterer who was still in prison.


The father, Douglas, sat in front of me, sharing his childhood experiences.

"My mum was a very loving woman – a big-hearted, hard working loving woman," he told me. From my many years of counseling, I knew that my definition of love and his definition of love were likely very different.

"Did she ever beat you?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. She beat me all the time. My dad beat my mum and my mum beat me. But she beat me because I was bad. I was really bad. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have been so bad."

"What did she beat you with?"

"Anything she could get her hands on. Extension cords, wooden spoons. Often I had to go and hand over the 'thing' she was going to use to beat me with."

"How did you feel when you knew you were going to get a beating?"

"Oh, I was terrified. I’d beg and plead and promise not to do again whatever it was she was mad at. But that never worked. I always got the beating. Then after the beating she would tell me that she loved me, that it was for my own good, and that it hurt her more than it hurt me."

"And how were you bad?"









 



"Well, sometimes I’d come in late, and sometimes I would talk back. Then I got into alcohol and drugs at a very early age. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have done the alcohol and drugs."

"Why do you think you did the alcohol and drugs?"

"I was just hurtin’ too much. It took me outta all the pain for awhile."

"What was the pain?"

"I don’t know. I was just hurtin’ a lot."

"Do you think it is possible that you were hurting because the woman who was supposed to protect you was instead hurting you? That she was confusing you by telling you she loved you while she was beating and terrifying you? That there was no one to turn to for safety and nurturing? That you were scared much of the time for fear of the beatings? That you were terribly lonely and could not turn to your parents because they were the ones causing the pain?"

Silence………Then he looked at me in shock. As the light bulb when on in his mind, the tears started rolling down his weathered cheeks. Soon he was sobbing.

"That’s right…That’s right….The beatings were the problem. More beatings would not have helped. And I beat my children thinking it was the right thing to do, and now my son is in prison for beating his wife and protective services want to take away their daughter. And I almost hit her the other day when she didn’t mind me. I’m so glad I didn’t. This has to stop! This has to stop!"

I looked around the room. Everyone was in tears. Sarah, the wife of one of the batterers, spoke up, sobbing.

"I’ve always hit my kids, and no matter what anyone told me about it not being good, it never made sense to me. This is the first time I understand why it’s not a good or loving way to discipline my kids. And I can see why I’m having so many problems with my older son and why he is on drugs. He has always been furious with me and I had no idea why. Now I understand. I need to learn a new way to discipline. I’m going to take a parenting class and start reading parenting books."

I hugged James for the profound work he did, and for the effect his work was having on everyone in the room. I thanked God for giving me the privilege of working with these people. All of them, it turned out, had been severely beaten as children.

I am deeply grateful to John and Diana who conducts workshops with Abusers and their families. Both of them were assisting me at this workshop. We all smiled at each other in deep gratitude for the healing that was taking place.

For Specialist Therapeutic Help in Trauma or Crisis Contact Genovieve Feasey http://www.thechoicetochange.com Wycombe, Buckinghamshire.http://www.thechoicetochange.com

How Sexual Dysfunction Impacts a Relationship

Sexual Therapy Can Help You Communicate.



Do you experience a difficulty during a sexual activity and are not able to satisfy your partner in bed? If the answer to this question is yes, then you may be suffering from sexual dysfunction.

Sexual dysfunction is the difficulty faced by an individual or the couple that prevents them from enjoying a sexual activity. Since people hesitate to discuss about their sexual problems with one another, many of them start believing that they are not normal and their sexual problem is unique or shameful. This is however just a myth. Due to the changes in the emotional and psychological behavior of man, sexual dysfunction has become quite common these days. It can be dealt with emotionally by communicating your mate, a trust worthy friend, a doctor or a Counsellor or Psychotherapist. By overcoming your limiting beliefs about

what you say to others can simply relieve anxiety or stress; which that in itself and be the main route to sexual dysfunction.

Sexual dysfunction can occur at any stage of a person’s life. It can begin early or can even develop after a person had previously experienced and enjoyed having sex. The causes originating sexual dysfunction can be physical as well as psychological. Emotional factors include certain personal problems such as marital/relationship problems, communication gap between the partners or lack of trust. Psychological problems like depression, sexual fears or guilt etc also cause sexual dysfunction. Those addicted to alcohol or drugs can also face a similar problem. It is also witnessed by people who suffer from diabetes and degenerative neurological disorders.

Sexual dysfunction disorders are usually classified into four categories as sexual desire disorder, sexual arousal disorder, sexual pain disorder and orgasm disorders.

• A decrease in the production of estrogen (in women) or testosterone (in men and women) can cause a sexual desire disorder. Other factors such as age, pregnancy, fatigue or psychological conditions are also responsible.

• Sexual arousal disorder in men may be due to partial or complete failure of attaining an erection of penis.

• Decreased blood flow, lack of vaginal lubrication and the nature of relationship between the partners also contribute to the breakdown of sexual arousal.

• Orgasm disorder can occur both in men and women. The SSRI antidepressants are responsible for delaying or eliminating the achievement of orgasm.

• Sexual pain disorders mostly affect women. These are commonly known as dyspareunia and vaginismus. It may be caused due to vaginal dryness in women.

There are various treatment of sexual dysfunction. As sexual arousal disorder is the major problem faced nowadays. Levitra is considered as the best option to treat this malfunction. It can work effectively to cure this illness in men. It blocks an enzyme called phosphodiesterase-5 and then relaxes muscles in the penis thus improving the blood flow. Hence, it helps in having a natural erection.

Anybody can face a sexual dysfunction at any stage of life. Do no regard it as something abnormal. Recognize your illness at the right time and try to seek medical assistance or Counselling Sexual Advice. I am Genovieve Feasey Therapist for Individuals or Couples resolving conflict or dis harmony within a Relationship.http;//www.thechoicetochange.com

Eliminate Anxiety See The Back Of It!!!

Help for Anxiety

What causes anxiety? Well if we all knew that wouldnt life be a bed of roses. Being able to nip it in the bud (excuse the pun) before it causes the damage it is capable of like interfering and preventing a person from leading a normal life There are many different theories behind the cause but because each of us differ it makes it more difficult to pin point the specific reason behind its beginning.

Losing control of your thoughts and actions to an extent that no matter what you say or do is out of your jurisdiction, it is then medical help is strongly advised.

There is evidence that anxiety concerns develop from physical means like an over active thyroid gland which controls different body functions. Anxiety and drugs (types of medication) is sometimes not a match made in heaven so it is important to talk to your doctor before taking any tablets/pills from over the counter that you are not familiar with.

Stressful events past or present are main factors also queried behind a persons anxious moments. If depression/anxiety runs in the family then there is an increased risk or possibility that history may repeat itself.

We all have anxious moments but it is how we deal with these upsets which is the important thing. Anxiety can be brought on by the least little thing but common factors like losing a job, moving house, and parting of the ways from a partner are just a few to mention. To deal with these depressing events we have to learn to cope. By conquering the coping process you will notice your depression/anxiety symptoms easing.

Relaxation classes like yoga have a great effect on patients who suffer from emotional disturbances in their mind body and soul.

Anxiety does affect people in diverse ways. Many patients experience anxiety chiefly through emotional /psychological symptoms, while others suffer from physical effects. Either way both are powerful enough to destroy.

Anyone at anytime can become affected by anxiety. Anxiety is diagnosed as a mental health disorder. Five per cent of the population at some stage in their lives have had an anxiety or depressive bout where it has left them feeling agitated and concerned for their health. Irregular pace of the heartbeat speeding up has given some people reason to believe that their experience of anxiety or a panic session is that of a heart attack.

Reclaim your mind body and soul naturally if modern science is not your way of dealing with such health matters of which I hasten to add has proven to be very successful in the healing process for anxiety. Natural courses of herbal remedies are readily available but first and foremost consider Yoga.

To relief stress that comes with everyday commitments then why not follow the millions of people who have chosen yoga to seek peace of mind. This form of exercise is a proven way in getting results. (Thus depending on the patients requirements or severity of his/her condition)

Does yoga help? Yes naturally of course.http://www.thechoicetochange.com

Is There Love In Your Life?

Where's The LoveWhere's The Love In Your Life?

So many people are complaining about the lack of love in their life. They act as if some stranger decided one day to take away the love out of their lives. They hold on to lovers already gone since eternity, or they dream about a partner coming into their life to give them everything they are not able to give themselves. They balance between hope and desperation. They look for love outside themselves and believe one day a charming prince on a white horse will knock at the door and take them away to live for ever happy in a castle for away from reality.

Other people are trying to survive in a bad relationship that holds their greatness hostage. They live in fear and anger every day but don’t know how to get out of this prison.

Do you know such people? Does this sound like you? Do you feel lonely, are you dreaming of the right one who will show up one day and end all the misery you’re going through now?

The bad news is this will not happen.

The good news is YOU can do a lot yourself to feel loved.

Let me explain.

Life is like a building. There are a lot of floors : the ground floor, the cellar, the first floor, second floor and so on. The higher you go in the building, the more light there is, the easier and lighter things are, the more friendly and energetic people are, the higher are the vibrations and most of all : the more love there is.

Picture this building of life in your mental eye. In the cellar you will find people like rapers, thiefs, harassers, killers, people who beat their children or companion and others who made a life out of hurting others.

On the groundfloor you will find a lot of people. In fact most of humanity lives here. These are the ones who content themselves by vegetating instead of living. They don’t think by themselves, they undergo life. They do nothing. They live like robots. They go to their job every day, come home every day, watch the same television program every day with a beer in one hand and a hotdog in the other hand. They do not dream. They are stuck in their lifestyle and think everything will always be the same.

Then you go up. As I said, the higher you get, the easier, the lighter life is. Life IS easy, life IS light. The cellar, groundfloor and lower floors are creations from the human mind. We created these lifestyles by our heavy thoughts, thoughts about scarcity, fear, death, anger, sadness, revenge and so on. Here are the lives of those who choose to think low energy thoughts. Those who live in fear, hate, jealousy, doubts, low self esteem, troubles. Those have bad relationships, where struggle and anger and negativity set the tone. They are not happy. They maintain the illusion everything is someone else’s fault and they have either to wait for the other to change, so their life will change, or they have to destroy the other one to have a better life (think of the one who kills the husband of the woman he wants to live with, or those who kill other minded people in order to be free to live like they want). This will never give freedom or love.

So what to do if you want to move up in that building of life and live free and in love?

First you have to make a decision. Yes, you have to decide WHERE you want to be. On which floor do you want to live your life now?

Is it the cellar? No, I don’t think so. Is is the groundfloor? I don’t think it either. Let’s say you want to be at the 17th floor. But you feel you are at this moment in your life at the 3rd floor only. You hate your job, you have a lousy relationship with your partner, you’re in bad shape and your energy is low.

So you decided you wanted a life in the vibration of the 17th floor, where there is love, real friendship, positive expectations, inner strength, power, a job you like, health and wealth.

What to do? You decided where you want to be. What you will do now? Should you wait until someone will knock on your door to take you there? No way! Will never happen! Even if you would meet someone with an energy level of 17, he will never carry you from the 3rd to the 17th floor, because he will be exhausted. It needs to be YOUR decision and YOUR action!!

So YOU have to move yourself up. How? Read! Read more! Read how you can create your life by changing your thoughts and your behavior! Go to workshops where you can learn how to unleash you inner power. Use the wonderful information bank which is called Internet and which offers you a bunch of positive information and e-courses (often for free). Surround you with loving people. Learn how to love yourself.

So first you decide where you want to be. Than you do whatever you can to get there, on your own. You may ask help of course, you may find yourself a coach (which is really a good decision!) but don’t look for somebody to carry you. You will fall down immediately the moment he puts you down. If you didn’t get there by yourself, it won’t last, it is not worth anything because you moved yourself up with somebody else’s energy and you are depending on his energy.

Once you get at the floor of your choice, let’s say 17, you will meet automatically people who vibrate at this level of energy. Energy-17 people. Loving, caring, wonderful people. People who feel good about themselves and who don’t need others to steal their energy. They learned how to generate energy by themselves. They are not slaves. They are not dominators. They love and respect others.

Do you want to meet someone like that? Do you want to share your life with somebody who has a 17-energy (or more)? Go there! Go at their level and you will meet them, that’s a guarantee!

Move yourself up.

If you live in a bad relationship right now, and you do whatever you can to get yourself moving higher, you will see what will happen. Your partner, who is still vibrating on energy 3 or 2 or on cellar-level won’t be able to follow you and you will take separate roads.

Don’t make the mistake of trying to pull someone up who wants to stay at his low level. You will never succeed. Especially women should be aware of this : don’t spoil your energy at trying to get others moving up with you. It’s a waste of time. Everybody should decide for himself. Don’t carry others on your back, you will crack down! Decide for yourself, go for it, and see what happens. The higher you get in energy-levels, the better it will be. There you will agree with me : life is wonderful!

To work on Issue's on attachments in past Relationships or Current you can call me Genovieve Feasey Relationship Counsellor and Trauma Specialist. Totally confidential Support to Resolving and Gaining the Love You Deserve!!!Where's the Love In Your Life?